How do I know if he is right for me?
Wouldn't it be amazing if someone knew with certainty if you should stay in a relationship, or go?
It's one of the most common questions I get asked.
Women question: How do I know if I like him enough?
I know the uncertainty that lies within this question, I've been there before too -- I lived in the land of maybe all too often.
I leaned into all my thoughts -- what I like and what I don't like about him. What resonates and what doesn't. What feels on and what feels off.
Maybe you've done this too.
All that ever did was leave me more confused with a bunch of scraps of paper with scribbled lists that all contradicted one another. And more importantly, I was usually left with this nagging, sinking, feeling of trying to assess whether I was staying to be open to the possibilities ... or because I was afraid of leaving.
What is the balance between being open to love ... and settling?
I'm going to offer that for you, like for me, the answer is never within the scrawled lists, or the overthinking, but rather within your body.
Truly, the answer is an intuitive feeling. There are no rules that say if he passes a certain test or connects with you in a certain way then he moves on to the next date. If you have these, I suggest you rip them up immediately.
Our bodies tell us everything we need to know. Whether you've accessed your intuition lately or not, it is there, and it knows what is right for you. Often we hear it, but we don't follow it. We convince ourselves it's wrong. But I promise you it is right. However, there is nuance in how you listen.
There is a distinct difference between your gut reaction and your inner knowing.
For many women, our gut is where fear lives. It is a tightness, a sharpness, a jolt, or something similar. It says: Do this because I'm afraid of anything else.
I'd like to offer that is the voice you should not listen to.
Rather, listen for the whisper, the wave of calm, the voice that speaks with certainty not fear. That is your intuition.
If you're unsure of what you're hearing, all you need to do is get quiet and listen, with your heart and your body. How does it feel inside of you?
The right way rarely feels wrong.
One of my clients in Abundant Love -- let's call her Felicia -- was confused about someone she was seeing. She had been dating him for many months and some things began to annoy her about him. Plus there were a few other issues, bigger issues, that nagged at her. Was he the right one?
Maybe you've been her before. Things felt uncertain.
She asked me, "Am I blocking myself by looking for the reasons to say no because things are so good and I'm not used to it, or am I questioning it because it's not right?"
I told her to listen deeper. She went out with him and on the way home, the clarity came. The wave of calm washed over her and said: It's time to go.
Immediately, her fear flared up. She got a gut reaction that said: Don't be dumb, you're falling for him. If you leave him, you'll be alone again.
That's the thing about fear; it wants us to settle. But you're worthy of more.
The next day she left the relationship. The wave of calm remains.
Sure, fear will flare up from time to time. It may visit and say something like: You're not enough. You should have stayed. You're wasting more time and now you're never going to meet anyone.
But listen instead to the intuition, the pull that says: There is more for me out there, and I trust the right man has yet to come.
Because who knows -- the next time you listen to your intuition it may say: He's The One, marry him.