The first thing you need to know about me:
My greatest fear is that I'm not good enough.
It's this little voice in the back of my head that says, You're not smart enough, or pretty enough. You don't deserve that. Your relationship will never work because you’re too intense.
Though this fear is exactly that — a fear — I have to say it’s done some amazing things for my career.
I’ve lived my life needing to prove to myself that I was worthy, so I’ve worked directly with CEOs of Fortune 500 companies as early as 21, brokered impossible deals, like securing Sir Richard Branson as the keynote for an event. I managed, performed off-off Broadway, getting glowing reviews from Variety Magazine, and started my first company with only $50 and a Twitter account.
My fear has always propelled my professional life forward, and fast. But that doesn’t mean it was healthy. I felt like I always needed to prove myself so I was a major perfectionist and never felt settled.
However, when it came to my dating life, I felt unsettled. The fear of not being good enough held me back in relationships, keeping me stuck. I second guessed myself constantly, settled for less than I was worth, and even withheld parts of me from men because I was afraid that they wouldn’t want to be with me if they knew who I really was. While I had many long-term relationships, none of them felt complete. Men prioritized other things in their life more than our relationship — it felt like each man of the moment always had one foot ready to run.